Perimenopause Bloating? Here's How I Got Out of My Puffy Era

I thought I swallowed a balloon. Turns out it was just a Saturday.

There’s a moment in every perimenopausal woman’s life where she questions everything: her skincare, her Netflix algorithm, and mostly…her waistband.

Mine hit on a random Saturday in Myer. I bent down to try on a pair of shoes and felt like my waistband was seconds from calling in a structural engineer. My denim skirt was so uncomfortable, my stomach had doubled in size since breakfast, and one more fluorescent light or slow-walking toddler and I was going to lose it in a Westfield.

Naturally, I assumed the worst.

Surely, this is it, I’ve got a gut parasite, or maybe I accidentally swallowed too many cheesymite scrolls? Nope. Turns out…it’s just perimenopause.

Let’s Talk Bloating (aka “Did Someone Inflate My Abdomen with a Bike Pump?”)

If you've ever unbuttoned your pants before you've left the house, you're in the right place.

Bloating in perimenopause is like that uninvited friend who shows up, stays too long, and brings nothing but bad vibes and water retention. One day you feel normal(ish), the next you’re googling “Can stress cause your stomach to expand?”

And look, I’m not here to blame carbs, joy, or that one wine-and-cheese night that spiralled into a food coma. You’re probably eating fine. But bloating in midlife isn’t just about what you’re eating, it’s about how your hormones, gut, and inflammation are throwing their own chaotic music festival inside you.

Which means: kale won’t save you, and celery juice can sit down.

Why You Feel Like a Human Hot Air Balloon

Here’s what’s really going on:

• Oestrogen’s playing rollercoaster: It affects gut motility and fluid retention, so your digestion gets weird and your clothes and jewelry feel tight.
  
• Inflammation’s crashing the party: Your gut’s sensitive, your stress is high, and your belly’s the unfortunate battleground.
  
• Your liver’s under pressure: That poor organ is trying to process hormones, wine, and your sudden urge to eat peanut butter by the spoonful.
  

So yeah, the bloat isn’t in your head. Or entirely in your fridge. It’s multi-faceted and hormonal, like you, but moodier.

A Sample Day of Anti-Inflammatory, Bloat-Busting Goodness

And because I’ve lived this, here’s a simple, bloat-calming day on a plate. It’s like a cuddle for your insides without having to wear shapewear.

Breakfast:
Spinach + Mushroom Omelette with a side of avocado
→ Packed with B vitamins and healthy fats to support hormone metabolism and energy. 

Lunch:
Grilled salmon over quinoa + rocket, drizzled with olive oil + lemon
→ Omega-3s calm inflammation, the fibre keeps things moving, and the lemon makes you feel like you’re on a retreat (kind of).

Snack:
Chia pudding with almond milk, cinnamon, and raspberries
→ Balances blood sugar, so you’re not feeling irritated and hangry by 3pm.

Dinner:
Lentil + sweet potato stew with turmeric, kale, and sautéed broccoli
→ Magnesium, fibre, and plant power to help your body exhale. Bonus: leftovers for lunch, because future-you deserves that win.

Still Bloated? It’s Not a Personal Failing, it's Hormones.

If you’re still feeling like a human hot-air balloon, please don’t spiral. You’re not failing, your body’s just mid-rebrand.

The bloat doesn’t mean you need to detox, starve, or live off air and sadness. It means your body’s asking for support, not punishment.

Once you start eating and living in a way that calms inflammation and supports your hormones, things do shift. The jeans zip. The mirror softens. The rage reduces (slightly).

And maybe, just maybe, you’ll find yourself back in Myer, bending over to try on shoes and not fear splitting your skirt this time.

FAQ: The Bloat Edition

Q: Do I really have to give up wine?
A: Only if you’re prepared to feel smug, hydrated, and wildly boring. Kidding… sort of. Your liver’s working triple shifts trying to process oestrogen and the emotional damage from perimenopause. A few nights off helps, but if you still fancy a glass of sauv blanc on a Friday, I fully support it, just add water between glasses and call it “detoxing.” 

Q: Is bloating seasonal? Because mine peaks every second Thursday.
A: Yes. The season is called perimenopause, and it lasts approximately five to ten business years. Your body and hormones are fluctuating almost daily, so you will experience ups and downs across your month.

Q: I look six months pregnant by 3pm, should I be worried?
A: Only if you’ve also recently adopted a pet sourdough starter and named it “Gary.” Otherwise, it could be cortisol, oestrogen, and your digestive system forming a small committee to discuss your life choices.

Q: What about those charcoal tablets from Chemist Warehouse?
A: Great for pretending you’re “doing something.” Less great for solving the actual problem. Focus on anti-inflammatory whole foods, hydration, and chilling out instead of expensive supplements marketed to menopause.

Q: My jeans still hate me. Should I just wear leggings forever?
A: Honestly? Yes. Leggings are the official uniform of midlife resilience! But remember comfort is key to feeling confident to face these changes head on after 40. Wearing restrictive clothing will contribute to your issues, so flowy over fitted is ideal!